Lady Sings The News

Man!  When you hear someone say "divorce", you just know there's going to be a gigantic speech about what the other person did to bring a marriage to a close.  Which is why I'm used to the almost instantaneous facial expression of "poor-baby" that seems to come in waves anytime anyone hears that I am about to be.  Well, here's the thing:  I'm not the finger pointing ex-wife that people are used to seeing.  And apparently that perplexes these same people I've come across.

This post is actually going to serve as a partial how-to-guide for maintaining the sanity while on the road to becoming an ex-wife/husband.  Now, I'm not 100% divorced just yet but anyone who has been can tell you that the separation and preparation for the actual divorce can be enough to make you rip your hair out.  That is, if you let it.

• Silence is Golden - 
• You're going to be faced with people asking you all types of questions from "What happened?" to "How much money are you going to sue for?".  There's nothing wrong with tell people to mind their damn business or say nothing at all.  You don't have to explain yourself to anyone.  Not to mention, if said people have to ask anything at all, they don't need to know because you would have confided in your true friends and concerned family already. 

• Forget Facebook - 
• If your ex was on a mutual social network before you split, chances are they're still on those same networks while you're separated.  Some will wait for your status postings and photo displays.  Don't go on super rants about how happy you are due to your divorce or how miserable you are either.  It's not that serious and unlike reality tv show personalities, you're not getting paid to act an ass.

• Leave the Past Behind - 
• The best way to find yourself in another bad relationship is to bring habits and actions from the previous one into the new one.  Don't look at the way your new sweetie washes dishes and bring up the fact that your ex was always too lazy to do the same.  Just thank them for the dishes and move on.  Do some different things and different things will happen. 

• Pass on Mutual Gatherings (temporarily) -
• This one is tricky.  When you've been with someone for years, you gain friends that are both yours and theirs.  Unfortunately, when you separate that leaves the gray area of friends wondering which side to interact with.  While things are fresh, it's okay to decline invitations that you know your ex will be attending.  This doesn't make you a scaredy-cat or anything.  It just means that you'd rather avoid the awkwardness of a possible situation.

• Stand By Your Decision - 
• There may be a good amount of people that will hear of your divorce or separation and ask you to reconsider.  They may hit you with everything from moral obligation to tradition to religious beliefs.  Truth of the matter is that no one has to live with your choices but you.  And people will ALWAYS have an opinion about YOUR life.  As long as you are true to your decisions, things will fall into place.

• Find Your Peace - 
• Take all the time you need to center yourself.  Bring yourself to what makes you truly happy.  If it's having new experiences, go for it.  If it's getting into a new relationship, then make sure it's an honest and happy one.  If it's shopping....buy me something too (my favorite color is black). Just kidding.  The point is:  assess your own peace and bring yourself to it.

These are things that have been helping me in the process in addition to having minimal interaction with my ex at the present time.  Everyone's situation is different so at the end of it all, what ever works for you....works for you.  It's important to remember that divorce is not the end of the line.  It's a learning experience.